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Friday, November 27th, 2009
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10:31 am
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| Friday, November 20th, 2009
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8:08 am - New Mario!
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I've been playing New Mario with my two, non-gamer roommates, and it's been a lot of fun. I had a similar experience teaching my roommate to play Splosion Man (which if you have a Sexbox and love solid, Mario like platformers, you must purchase).
It took me a few levels to get over my frustration at their slow pace and their lack of desire to risk it all just to see what was on top of some platform or another, but watching them go through the baby steps more than makes up for it.
Do you remember playing Mario before you learned about the run? Now can you imagine playing Mario without it? In any Mario, new or old, I hold the "B" button the entire time. It's just instinct now. Well, I've forced adaptation, and my roommate now runs more frequently. And it was a joy and a pleasure to be a part of this.
New Mario also got me thinking, however. It feels pretty easy. We're already at World 6, with very minimal failure. It feels like it has just the right amount of challenge to keep me interested and excited, but not so much to frustrate me and make me put it down. I wasn't disappointed, but I was wondering when it was going to get hard.
Then I got a distressed phone call from my roommates, telling me I had to hurry home because they had been trying 3-3 for an hour and they couldn't do it. I got home and saw that they had used two dozen continues on one, relatively early level. And then I understood. New Mario is just as hard as Mario has ever been (except Mario de Sade, fuck that game), I've just been playing it for twenty one years. They haven't, and it's hard. I have and it's Mario. It's just Mario.
So far I'm having fun going back on my own to get all the big coins, and it's very likely that that will be the ultimate challenge for me, not unlike the secret levels in Mario World or the underwater level under the bridge with the fucking torpedoes. I never did find the back nine of Mario DS, but now I'm kind of feeling the itch.
I think that means that this is good Mario.
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(2 comments | comment on this)
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| Sunday, November 15th, 2009
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10:18 pm
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| Sunday, October 25th, 2009
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4:10 pm
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| Saturday, September 5th, 2009
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8:00 pm
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Thankfully Adventureland was not Superbad 2. I had a really good time in Superbad, but it ended at the perfect point. A point where I wasn't tired of the characters yet. I had had just enough of them, where had the movie been ten minutes longer I would have been happy, but a whole other movie might have felt interminable.
But Adventureland was its own beast, Mottola's attempt at Freaks and Geeks, perhaps. It's melancholy, funny in parts, and nostalgic for not only the great times but also the terrible, which is rare in films. It's rare to see something that gets nostalgic for the song that was playing on the radio the first time you got your heart broken (which I'm sure you still remember. Mine was the '99 hit Buzz of Florescent Lights), but those moments are just as important as the first kisses. The moments you did something stupid and got caught are as important as the moments you didn't. And this film, in its final moments, glorifies the stupid things you did just right.
It's about uncertainty, about the haze a summer passes through. It's about mistakes and the simple wonder of being in the right place at the right time. Which possibly leads to my only complaint: these characters are all obviously in between high school and college. The only reason to put them all in between college and grad school, I guess, is to allow them to not proceed without dealing with the scorn that often comes from simply not attending college. Perhaps this is the world Mottola knows. I don't know. But it was the only thing that rubbed me wrong.
What a lovely little movie.
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(comment on this)
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| Friday, August 14th, 2009
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9:28 pm - District 9
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District 9 should be subtitled "Our Hero is a Useless Twat Who Fucks Everything Up Always". District 9 gets an A for effort, B for it's final product.
It's worth seeing, and it's worth seeing without knowing anything, but if you've seen the trailer then you've probably already seen more than you should have. I'll hide the rest of this, and you shouldn't read it until you see the movie. Seriously. Because I liked it, but it might not seem like it down there. Because I'm not happy with it.
( Spoilers )
When District 9 works, it works so exceptionally well. So well in fact, that when it doesn't work it feels like an insult. It's not a bad movie, but it's not great either. That first half was so good, too.
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(22 comments | comment on this)
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| Saturday, August 8th, 2009
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6:02 pm - GI Joe: Rise of My Cobra
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Before I begin, I feel I must qualify a few things. I really liked Terminator Salvation. It did enough right and new and fresh to keep me engaged. I loved Transformers 2 for everything it did right, not for what it did wrong. Star Trek was fun, and we knew it was going to be. Wolverine was terrible, and we knew it was going to be.
I am a child of the '80s and I'm proud of it. We did everything right in that decade. Our music was vapid and fun, as music should be. Our literature was unforgiving and fresh and new, as literature should be. And our action? Hoo boy was our action amazing.
Our action was about cars flipping, houses exploding, guns never running out of bullets and clever puns. Our action was about almost retiring, getting the sarge to yell at the top of his lungs and killing Soviets with style.
Our action was about Arnold, Stallone, Seagal and Van Damme. Hell, our action was even, for a short time, about Chuck Norris. He didn't quite do anything as radical as the former, but he did throw Billy Drago out of an airplane, which has to count for something.
And, oddly enough, the '80s were responsible for just about every franchise listed above (and released this summer). The best Star Trek movie? 1982's The Wrath of Kahn. Terminator? 1984. Transformers and GI Joe? Every goddamned day of my childhood. Even the Watchmen was published in that decade.
And, even after all this time, the action movie gets no respect. Take a look at the Tomatometer for just about all of those films. You'll find them below 50%, with the exception of Star Trek, which was as hole ridden as any of the others on the list. Hell, last year's Iron Man, a terrible movie surrounded by great acting and writing, has a 93%!
Which brings me to GI Joe: Boners. It's currently below 40% right now, and all of the critics seem to be saying the same thing: all action, no talking. All mustache twirling villain and golden boy heroes. Silly, loud, full of one liners. It frequently feels like critics have a checklist, and every time a movie does something on that list they knock it down a bit. Maniacal laughs, missiles being shot down at the last second, chain guns with an ever changing length of bullets, all of these things move an action film further from Shakespeare.
Watch GI Joe:Turbidity and tell me Sommers was trying to make Shakespeare. Tell me he was trying to make anything but GI Joe: Huge Erection. Michael Bay always tries to make movies that transcend Michael Bay, which is why they aren't ever good. When he's making a Bay film, it's awesome (The Rock, Bad Boys 2). And we can say the same about Sommers. Castlevania was a pretentious action film, which brought it down. When you have Dracula only be weak to werewolves so you can have a werewolf vs. Dracula fight, your movie is not a masterpiece. It's a fucking action movie.
Sommers got his start with Deep Rising, which is a really, really fun monster movie, and The Mummy, which to this day amazes me with how spot on it is. It's sharp, clever, adventurous and thrilling in all the right places. Nothing feels stupid or tacked on. Even the throw away joke about the lackey praying to every god he can think of leads to a major plot point. That's good action writing.
But, in recent years, Sommers has slipped. Fallen, really. He's fallen far, and he must have hit really, really hard, because GI Joe: Eye Popping Boners is a reminder of what an action movie is supposed to be. It's a stronger action film than anything else this summer or last. Possibly the strongest action movie since the one two punch of The Rundown and Bad Boys 2.
The second scene in the movie introduces the villains' weaponry, and immediately shows it to be more threatening and powerful than the US Army's. This introduction shows us the futility of the "good guys" and manages to make the entire rest of the film mildly threatening. By opening the movie with some oh shit they ensure that the rest of the film will continue making us tense.
From the first scene to the last, there is no time to breathe in GI Joe: Boner Patrol. There is very little exposition, as most of the film is the Joes quickly following the Baroness and Storm Shadow, adeptly jumping from one action set piece to the next. There is always a little ridiculous dialog that helps the audience slip instantly into the moment that is being shown. We are never in the dark about anything, because the Joes are so smart they can figure things out on the fly. There is no time to wonder about anything, because, honestly, if it was made a mystery we'd be disappointed. We know that, in the end, we're going to see Cobra Commander, we're going to know he's behind it all and we're going to see some awesome screens full of lasers.
The central scene in Paris is one of the single finest action sequences in recent memory. Despite being made in a computer, the scene snaps and screams. The people have real weight to them as they flip around, jump over missiles and rocket over flipping cars. The "OH SHITS" get thrown about, and the escalation is just plain rude.
I love feeling this gleefully overwhelmed, and, tragically, too few films make me feel this way. And when they do, I go back for more. Every other action film of the summer has given me at least one moment of that joy. GI Joe: Tumescence was nothing but. If you like the action film and love seeing it evolve, go see this one. If you like movies that make you think, put your beret back on and go see something French.
Bottom line: If you love the original cartoon to this very day, you'll love GI Joe: Don't You Get It? It Gave Me A Boner!
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(22 comments | comment on this)
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| Wednesday, August 5th, 2009
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9:44 pm
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New Professor Layton at the end of August? Well, I guess I DO have something to be excited about this month! Besides GI JOE that is.
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(1 comment | comment on this)
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| Wednesday, June 24th, 2009
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7:22 am
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Transformers 2 happens tonight with the DK. I've skimmed a few reviews and they've been pretty negative and angry. I think I'm going to love it.
I was thinking about this in the shower today. I can't remember the last time I was angry at a movie in the theater. I've seen a lot of movies since I came home, and I can't think of a time I didn't have fun. Even 10,000 BC was a blast for me.
I can't even think of a time I left a theater kind of disappointed. Sure, over time my opinions may change or turn on me, but in the moment, which is, honestly, the only moment that counts in a theater, I'm in love. Maybe the last movie I was upset with in the moment was The Host.
This all came to mind due to an argument I had with a coworker over the remake of Pelham 123. I had a great time, he did not. And then I realized that I couldn't think of a time recently when I didn't enjoy a movie.
Anyway, I hear Transformers 2 is loud, brash and offensive and I can't wait.
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(5 comments | comment on this)
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| Sunday, June 14th, 2009
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9:41 am - So...
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| Thursday, June 4th, 2009
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10:13 pm
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9:51 pm - LUUUUUUUKE!
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| Tuesday, April 21st, 2009
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10:23 pm - Black and White Rice Pudding
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Some time ago, the fine folks at Marx Foods sent me a sample of their Forbidden Rice (which I think holds the title of the coolest sounding rice ever) and their Himalayan Red Rice. Last week I opened the Forbidden Rice and put some sauteed mushrooms and broccoli in there. And, well, it might very well be the best rice I have ever had. It's very dense and doesn't stick together like white rice does, but it has a hearty flavor and a very distinct smell. Our whole house smelled like amazing rice all night, and it was quite nice.
I found myself with a half a cup left over, so I decided to put it into a rice pudding I was making. It is, after all, the third week of the month, which means it's International Lunch! International Lunch is like Christmas, and I love cooking for it. In the past I've made mole, my Truculent Chocolate Cake and some Ginger Snickerdoodles.
This time around I decided to make some rice pudding. I used this recipe in part because they have an ingredients calculator. It's missing the cinnamon and the brown sugar, but I added some in the final step. I also scraped three fresh vanilla beans and dropped the pods in to soak overnight (I also put half a pod in a little bit of dark rum. I'll report back on my findings).
The end result is quite interesting. When the Forbidden Rice is done cooking, the inside of the pot is stained purple, as is the excess water. I don't know why I didn't put two and two together, but the nice off white color of my 100% Jasmine rice pudding became a strange, mellow purple color when I stirred in the Forbidden Rice.
The end result? It's not the most beautiful thing I've ever seen, but it's still quite appetizing. The addition of half a cup of the Forbidden Rice has created a nice speckled pudding, which will hopefully look even better after a night in the fridge. I'll try to remember to take pictures tomorrow, if I'm not too caught up in the lunch.
Seriously, I know it's expensive, but try this rice. We're going to order more. I don't think I've had a better, heartier rice than the rice that is forbidden.
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(1 comment | comment on this)
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| Sunday, April 19th, 2009
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10:42 pm - Fuck you, Chelios!
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There's a scene in Crankier where Chev Chelios needs to generate static electricity in order to keep his artificial heart charged up. He rubs up on a few different people at the race track before his old girlfriend shows up and they fuck a lot, in many different positions, on the track itself. Everyone is cheering them on, and they're really into it. Then the horses start their race.
One of the horses jump over the pair and the audience sees the underside of the horse pass over the camera, including an enormous horse penis. Following this is Amy Smart's shocked face. Cut, next scene.
Crankier is a perfect example of people being given money for things that they never actually thought of doing in the first place. I don't think the writers and director of Crank actually wanted to do a sequel, but Lionsgate wanted them to. So they took the money and they did everything they possibly could get away with. There's nudity and violence galore, and it's all gratuitous. There is not a single thing in this that is film NOT gratuitous, and it's the funniest film of the year.
It starts off on the right foot with a bunch of Chinese surgeons using both Mandarin and Cantonese and still communicating. And the subtitles are in broken English. The events in the trailer take place in the first twenty minutes. In between these scenes we get a shotgun in a guy's butt, a cigarette being ashed in Chev Chelios' open heart hole and a shoot out in a strip club, where everything you kind of thinks is going to happen does happen. In the best possible way.
Crankier is everything I wanted it to be. It's not an action movie, it's not even more Crank. It's Crank times ten. There are balls, intestines, bleeding balls, severed elbows, tased balls, and the most memorable severed head in cinema history.
PS: Bonus Crank discussion topic
I've been having an argument with a coworker of mine, about the virtues of Crank, and the lack of virtue of Shoot Em Up. I had a very good time with Shoot Em Up, but the thing that kept it at arm's length for me was that it was an action film, but it was self aware, constantly winking at the screen, at the audience who would not be in a theater for Crank, D.O.A., Bad Boys II or any other modern, exploitative action film.
Crank knew what it was, but it wore it with pride. Shoot Em Up knew what it was, but it made fun of the action tropes. While it did create incredible action sequences, and some really, really fun shoot outs, it did so while making fun of real action films.
Crankier remembered how much fun Crank was, and decided to do anything and everything, just because they could. And I loved it.
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(comment on this)
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| Sunday, April 12th, 2009
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5:49 pm - Timecrimes
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12:05 pm - Oh my GOD.
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| Friday, April 10th, 2009
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8:26 pm
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Remember that scene in Taxi Driver when Travis Bickle takes the girl out to a movie and it turns out to be a porno because he only knew that ladies get taken to movies but he didn't understang WHAT movie? That was the first time we understood just how confused or messed up Bickle was. He wasn't just an awkward outsider, he was mentally fractured, for whatever reason.
The awkward/uncomfortableness of that scene is the same feeling that I got through most of Observe and Report. And I mean that in a good way. All the people who went to see it because they thought the trailer looked funny are going to be angry, and all the people who didn't go see it because it looked too pedestrian are the people who should be seeing it. It's a marketing nightmare, and this poor marketing is going to sink the film, just like it did with The Cable Guy, which was similar but not nearly as willing to push the envelope as Observe and Report.
I was expecting this movie to be fucked up, but it still surprised me. It was far tamer than I expected in scenes where I thought Ronnie was going to lose it, which added to the tension and made the scenes where shit went wrong even more out there. This movie doesn't go where you think it's going to. It's quiet, subtle and dark. Very dark. But it never has to say "LOOK AT ME! I'M A DARK MOVIE!" It is what it is, and you either go with it or you don't.
What I think is going to be a big point of contention are the last twenty minutes. There are many scenes in this film where characters feel different or act different then they did in previous scenes. While nothing is explicitly stated, I got the impression that this was Ronnie's daydream rather than a reality. There are scenes where things just go too right, or where characters just don't say the things you'd expect them to say. Given Hill's previous work, I don't think he's a poor enough writer to just let things happen because they have to. I think he's clever enough to purposely let his characters daydream without having to tell you, the viewer, that they are.
Jody Hill is like Wes Anderson's evil twin. Where Anderson finds beauty in the mundane, finds art in the otherwise boring or featureless spaces, Hill takes the same spaces and makes you uncomfortable or even upset in them. Their character interactions are similar and their camerawork and soundtrack choices are almost identical, but their meaning are two sides of the same coin. It's a joy to see Hill's work, and I look forward to more of it.
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(2 comments | comment on this)
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| Wednesday, April 1st, 2009
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7:26 pm - Dear friends,
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The reason I asked you about Donald Duck in Mathmagic Land is that not a single one of my coworkers, not one, knew what I was talking about. They didn't understand "mathmagician".
I proved them wrong with YouTube. Thank you for participating in my little experiment.
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(3 comments | comment on this)
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| Tuesday, March 31st, 2009
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10:17 pm - TEST
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| Wednesday, March 25th, 2009
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7:43 pm
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I really want Where the Wild Things Are to be good. The poster and now this new trailer makes me so happy.
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(13 comments | comment on this)
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